You Can’t Be a Man

You can’t be a man. Be a woman. It’s powerful business when done correctly.”  ~Bobbie Barrett to Peggy Olson, Mad Men, Season 2

I always read the letters that are printed in the newspaper.  One letter, in response to an article about Angelina Jolie’s new role in the movie Salt, really caught my attention and gave me a lot to ponder.  Alas, the paper was put out with the recycling that was picked up this morning.  I can’t find the letter on the paper’s website so I can’t quote it directly.  But the gist of the woman’s letter was that for the past 35+ years we’ve been told that being a woman isn’t good enough–we’ve been told that we have to emulate men in the boardroom and be promiscuous in the bedroom.  And now, that isn’t even good enough, we have to now be a Tom Cruise-action-hero-replacement.  Enough already!  Let us be women again!

During the second season of the hit television series Mad Men, the character of Bobbie Barrett–a glamorous wife who very successfully manages her husband’s entertainment career–tells the character Peggy Olson–the up and coming copy writer– to stop trying to play by the men’s rules.  She tells her that she will be successful if she remembers that she is a woman.

I’ll be honest here.  During my career in higher education, I played it both ways.  I quickly ascended the ladder “despite” the “obstacle” of being an ultra-feminine woman. And when I say ultra-feminine, think in terms of Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn–always dressed appropriately and always like a confident woman, not a little girl.  Because I didn’t mistake “hootchie goochie” as being feminine, I was rarely treated disrespectfully.  My colleagues and students knew where I stood and what my strengths were and I had the ear of important people (and they knew they could bounce ideas or thoughts off of me and get straight answers).

Somewhere between the Atlantic and the Pacific coasts I forgot how powerful I was as an ultra-feminine woman.  I became an administrator at Big Name University and thought I had to play by the men’s rules.  I started wearing power suits.  More than one person told me that I was rather intimidating when we first met.  I was absolutely miserable for most of the time that I worked there.

I realize, now, that part of this journey as a modern retro woman is a heroine’s journey to reclaim my ultra-feminine self.  I’m not very good at being a man.  Being an ultra-feminine woman, on the other hand, is pretty powerful stuff…if done correctly.