Years ago when one of the authors of this book took a course in psychology, the teacher said that no one ever did anything in this world that he did want to do and I challenged it.
“What,” said I, “you mean that I wash dishes because I want to do it? You mean I get up at seven because I want to do so? You mean I study late on a grand moonlight evening because I want to do that? Oh no.”
We argued for a long time. Almost, he made me see his side. In the examination the question was asked, “How many times do we do the things we want to do?” I wrote–you see I was beginning to be persuaded–”In ninety-nine cases out of one hundred.” He drew the blue pencil through “ninety-nine cases out of” and let the sentence read “In one hundred cases.”
I agree with him now. That does not mean I am siding with him because both he and I have been, or are, teachers. But because I finally see his meaning. We do everything because it, or something which follows in its train, gives us the result we want. I wash dishes, not because I want to wash them, but because I want a clean kitchen. To have that I must get the dishes out of the way. I get up in the morning, not because I want to do so, but because I don’t want to be late to the office or school. Not being late is something I really desire, so I do the things which will make me on time. I study, not because I want to study, but because I want to pass in the examinations, or I want to graduate, or I want to show the boys that girls are good scholars. I do the lesser things because I have a larger end in view. And so I say, “In one hundred cases we do the things we want to do.”
You want to be a pleasing person, a delightful hostess, a jolly companion, a girl who can lead in athletics or games or what not. To accomplish that big purpose you need ot know the lesser things you must do.
This book is devoted to ways and means of doing the lesser things so that you, yourself, make yourself the woman who is your ideal (emphasis added). That’s a big task. More power to you.
Pages 5-6, The Home Economics Omnibus
Instant gratification and having a good time is the name of the game in our culture. Don’t have the money to buy that top in every color? That’s okay, open a charge account today and you’ll save 10% on your entire purchase (because we know you probably won’t notice we charge 20% interest rate)! Don’t want to wait until you are home to check your email? That’s okay, sign up for this wireless plan and you can check your email and surf the web while having dinner with the in-laws! Want to be turned on by your car? Then buy this make and model. And so it goes.
But the wise homemaker knows that sometimes getting to the desired outcome requires lots of little steps that aren’t so fun. As I’ve mentioned previously, I decided to take a pattern making through draping class during the winter term (I do not recommend doing this). Very, very late one night, as I was still sitting at my sewing machine and fighting back tears of frustration, my husband put his hand on my shoulder but knew better than to ask if I was still having fun in the class. I looked up at him and said, “Not all parts are fun but the outcome makes it worth it.”
What are some things that we do that aren’t fun but the outcome makes it worthwhile?
The title comes from the line in the book right before the passage I quoted above. What do you think it means?
In the next post, I will discuss the Premack Principle.
When I started reading your blog and I could tell where this was going. The last few days I’ve been pondering why I do so many things that I do not like, but I have to concede that though I may not care for the many task there is an ultimate goal.
I think, though, that sometimes we get caught in a feedback loop of doing things that we think we *should* do even though there isn’t an ultimate goal. For example, I still try to be polite and gracious with toxic people but I **finally** realized that I didn’t have to try to heal their pain or get sucked into their constant hysteria. If they didn’t get what they wanted from me, they would find someone else willing to be part of their constant drama.
Also, until we have disconnected from the media, we have NO IDEA how brainwashed we’ve become as a culture. We think that we HAVE to work at X job in order to “earn a living.” But, a lot of that “living” isn’t authentic to us–it is what Madison Avenue or politicians or whomever has led us to believe is what we “need.” When we began trying to live a more simple life, I quickly discovered that the Real Simple magazine was designed to get me to buy more stuff. I realized that shopping wasn’t really a recreational activity (horrors!), I realized that spending money I didn’t have because we were attacked by terrorists was probably one of the most unpatriotic things we could do despite what our president told us.
I guess this goes along the vein of “mindfulness,” doesn’t it? *smile*
I’ve given a lot of thought to this post — why I do what I do. I was just installed as president of an organization of women old enough to be my mother. I have only been a member for two years. Last year I served as secretary. I truly don’t want to be president and dread some of my duties. Why did I agree? Because my oldest sister sponsored my membership, because I see that there’s logically no one else to do it, because they need me, because it’s the right thing to do.
My ideal of the retro woman is my mother (1909-1997). It wasn’t that she was a great housekeeper. The time she devoted to her love of the feminine arts interfered with keeping a straight house. But she had her standards nevertheless. For instance, the dishes were to be washed and put away before we left the house, and this applied to every meal. As a young person I felt that these standards of good housekeeping placed undue strain on the household and failed to establish such standards for my own home. In other words, I missed the point. But I am beginning to see that if I don’t follow some disciplined course of action, I won’t have the quality home I desire, neither will I be the person I want to be.