Make a New Beginning

We should bring ourselves to an accounting at the beginning of the New Year and ask these questions: What have I accomplished?  Where have I fallen short of what I desired and planned to do and be?…If we find that we are quicker of temper and sharper of tongue than we were a year ago, we are on the wrong road.  If we have less sympathy and understanding for others and are more selfish than we used to be, it is time to take a new path.  ~Laura Ingalls Wilder, The Ruralist newspaper

This is the time of year that people decide they are going to transform their lives by going to the gym at 5:00 every morning, going cold turkey with the (insert vice here), and generally become the person they person they dream of being.

As a life coach, I certainly have helped quite a number of people set and achieve 90-day goals that have helped transform their lives.  But, like the cobbler whose children go barefoot, I, myself, always had trouble sticking to my own 90-day intentions.  Until, that is, I reframed how I went about the process.  Conventional wisdom says to make concrete, measurable goals such as “I will workout for 30 minutes every day.”  It is easy to keep track of one’s progress.   Either you are working out or you’re not!

I’m bucking conventional wisdom, though, and aligning myself with the vision of who I want to be or accomplish–”the path” that Mrs. Wilder described in her Ruralist column almost 100 years ago.  When I approach my goals from the vision direction, guilt for “failing” to live up to the intention is released.  Instead, I simply have to ask myself, “Is this activity in alignment with my vision of who I want to be?”  So, instead of saying “I’m going to lose 70 pounds in six months by starving myself and doing Biggest Loser-style-six-hour-workouts,” I create a vision of myself as a healthy person.

A year ago, I was physically and emotionally a mess.  My husband scared the beejeebies out of me when he sincerely commented that he didn’t think I’d live to old age.  As a gift to him (really, us), I promised to focus on becoming physically and emotionally healthy.  Now, I’d love to say that I’m at my healthy weight but I’m not.  However, I am much, much healthier than I was at this time last year.  I strive to live in alignment with my vision of what it means to be a healthy person.  This means that something like working out is viewed with enjoyment because I focus on how good I feel as a result of the activity instead of viewing it as punishment for being overweight.  I’ve also taken proactive steps to unload internalized anger and feelings of victimhood.  What is interesting is that because I have this vision of myself as a healthy person, my addictions to less-than-healthy foods have been reduced (not eliminated entirely but they are now manageable).

This past year has also been a time of clarifying my vision of what it means to be a homemaker.  It is still evolving but the main theme of “I create an inviting, peaceful, and loving home” has influenced my homekeeping.  My “chores” are viewed within the framework of creating the kind of home I desire instead of the drudgery that Madison Avenue and the media would make us believe it is.

I’ve written in the past about my battle with feeling that I have to be perfect in order to be loved.  Creating a vision of who I want to be and do allows me to be on a journey towards that vision instead of feeling like I have to live up to an unachievable standard.

How about you?  What is your vision for the coming year?